Shes an intuitive life coach… season 1

lifecoach

[music]

Tom Becka: Hello and welcome to another interview on Tombecka.com. When a friend of mine came to me and said, “Tom. I’ve got this friend that’s an intuitive and a life coach, and you ought to interview her,” and I thought to myself, “What the hell is an intuitive and a life coach?”

I thought, “Well, if I thought that, maybe others would think that. It sounds interesting. Let’s delve into it.” We did. I invited her up for the interview. I will say, she was the most lively and energetic interview that I’ve done so far. The most upbeat one I think, that I’ve done so far.

It’s definitely an interesting topic and one that I really had no concept of before I began this. I guess the first question would be — what the hell is an intuitive and a life coach?

Deb Brockmann: It means that I help people with any kind of life problems. I do business as well. But mostly, life stuff. You name it. Really, I’ve had the gamut of things.

Tom: Are you like a professional girlfriend, or something like that?

Deb: [laughs]

Tom: Like the woman’s…

Deb: You’re telling all my secrets.

Tom: No, women call you up and say, “Oh, my boyfriend, I can’t deal with it. I need to lose weight,” and all this.

Deb: Yes.

Tom: Then you just tell them what to do?

Deb: Absolutely. That’s exactly what it is. It runs the gamut from what’s my next step in life? I’m not happy, I don’t know why? to…exactly, boyfriend troubles, wife troubles, whatever.

Tom: How did you get into doing something like this?

Deb: For me it actually stemmed from doing it for free, [laughs] and thinking, “Hey, I could probably do this.” The intuitive part is basically like you hear women’s intuition, gut feelings, stuff like that. I was heavier on the intuitive side early on, and moved more towards personal development now.

Tom: Now, let’s talk about the intuitive side.

Deb: Yeah, sure.

Tom: Let’s talk about that. First of all, intuitive is not a psychic, right?

Deb: You can say that, absolutely. But I think for me, I just use that word because I don’t do what a traditional psychic would do — meaning with the palm reading or the Tarot or whatever. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I just don’t do that. I just have gut feelings. I tend to see what people need to do to better their lives, rather than tell them what’s going to happen.

I just use a different word for it, so that it distinguishes me from a fortune teller sometimes. Not everyone gets it.

Tom: If I were to come to you and say, “Hey. I’ve got problems.” Do you then just say, “Oh, I know what your problems are?” Do you start talking about it? Do you have that sort of intuition, or do I have to go and pour out all of my issues and problems, and then have you take it from there?

Deb: That’s actually a great question.

Tom: Oh, thank you. That’s why I’m here. I’m here to ask the great questions.

Deb: You are a good interviewer.

Tom: Why, thank you. I try.

Deb: [laughs] You must have done this before.

Tom: What do you want to do with it?

Deb: I see things. I know stuff. When I first started, I didn’t really know what to do with it. I had never heard of an intuitive life coach. When people came to me at that point, I just did cold reading. I would just tell them, “This is what I feel from you,” etc. etc. However as time went on, I wanted it to be less about what I could do. Who cares that I know that; really, what’s the big deal, honestly? We’re all intuitive.

I wanted to get into, “How best can I help you?” Honestly, I don’t want people walking away going, “Ooh, that was freaky.” I want them walking away saying, “I’ve got some solid advice. I can use it in my life, and I feel better.”

Tom: I look at this and again, I’m a bit of a skeptic.

Deb: I am, too. It’s OK, totally.

Tom: What do you mean, you’re a skeptic?

Deb: They called me the skeptical psychic [laughs] .

Tom: If you don’t believe you are, how am I supposed to believe you?

Deb: No, I’m not saying I don’t believe. I’m an open-minded skeptic. When this first started happening to me, “my intuition opened,” I thought I was crazy. I truly thought, “Go in the loony bin. I’m going to check myself in.” I fought it for years, but the reality is that I am still very skeptical about a lot of things. I’m just open minded.

Tom: OK. You’re being skeptical about this. Now, help me understand this. When you first started noticing that you could do this, how old were you?

Deb: When I first acknowledged it was probably 18, but I knew since I was young, probably in second grade. But I shut it off, because it was very scary. Then whenever I would tell people, “Hey, what was your previous husband’s name?” and they’d say, “What?” They were upset with me, so I shut it off. I stopped asking questions, because they were all angry with me all the time, because I would tell the truth about everything. I shut it off.

Tom: You’re a young kid in school, and you know things about your teachers, and your other kids and stuff. You’re throwing it out there, and you’re freaking out the other kids?

Deb: Absolutely, freaking out.

Tom: And the teachers.

Deb: Most of the teachers. The kids kind of just look at you like, “Whatever.” The teachers though, my parents especially, “We don’t talk about that.” Or other adults, “We don’t talk about that.” Well, I talk about everything. To me it was just knowledge. It wasn’t anything I shouldn’t talk about until I got in trouble.

Tom: Do you come from a family of gypsies or intuitives?

Deb: [laughs] My dad retired from a large company. They’re very normal people. They’re very intuitive, they just don’t acknowledge it; very. In fact, my brother and I discussed in our 20’s, how when my dad would come into the room, we’d try to not think about the very thing that he would bring up, because he doesn’t know he was doing it. But he would bring it up, every single time.

We wanted money, or how was the car dented or whatever, we would just try to…

Tom: Yeah, but a lot of parents know stuff about their kids though, right?

Deb: Totally. Totally, but this was specific at the specific time we were thinking it. I can’t prove that I’m not saying that, but it was weird that my brother and I both had it. He was like, “I know.” They never talked about it. They would never acknowledge. When I told my dad I had this, he said, “Is it like Madame Cleo and the 900 number?” I’m like, “No.” [laughs] This is the extent of their knowledge, generally.

Tom: OK, you were just doing it. Then you hold off on it. Now, when you hold off that, when you decide, this is freaking people out. I’m not going to do it. Is this one of those use it or lose it sort of things? Or is it always there, you just keep it suppressed?

Deb: It’s always there. It definitely was suppressed. It would come out in certain ways. I’d stop talking about it. I would know things but I just wouldn’t say it. I would just tell myself, “No.” [laughs]

Tom: What would you know? What would you know about somebody that you wouldn’t say?

Deb: Well, always if they are lying. I have a huge lying radar. I just let so much of it go, because we all lie. We all have little lies. I would be exhausted if chased every single lie; or, if they were sick or if they had an affair. That stuff I tried to shut off eventually. As I’ve gotten older, I can shut it down a little bit, pick and choose what I want to know.

Tom: [laughs] In your mind, you’re a sophomore in high school. There’s Mr. Johnson the biology teacher. In your mind, are you seeing, “Oh, he was doing it with the math teacher, back there in the break room?”

Deb: Totally. It’s so ironic that you just said that. Maybe you’re a psychic. I had a Mr. Johnson who was hanging out with the math teacher, and they got married [laughs] .

Tom: Really?

Deb: Yeah. That’s weird that you just said that.

Tom: Wow.

Deb: He was a science teacher.

Tom: Maybe you should be interviewing me?

Deb: That was strange, yeah I’m sorry.

Tom: OK. Did you know that at the time that they were…?

Deb: In fact, I didn’t have one of them as a teacher. Basically I was young, I was sixth grade so I didn’t really understand the whole affair thing; but as an older kid, yeah.

Tom: You were living in a smaller town, right?

Deb: Yes, yes.

Tom: You were part of the talk of the town?

Deb: No-one really talked about it. But I was definitely different. I’m sure people recognized that, definitely.

Tom: OK, so you start doing this as a hobby.

Deb: I did, yeah.

Tom: Then the thing you’d say, “Hey, I can start getting paid for this.”

Deb: I did, actually. It took me a number of years to figure out that it was actually real, because again I’m very skeptical. I’m thinking, “It’s some random thing. We only use 10 percent of our brains, and so I’m just picking up patterns,” stuff like that. Maybe I am. Maybe that’s all it is, honestly.

Tom: I know I’m going to regret asking this question.

Deb: All right, I’m ready.

Tom: What are you sensing about me?

Deb: You really want to know?

Tom: Yeah…ugh…

Deb: OK. I don’t know if you want people to know this, but honestly, you have a very soft and very warm and very generous energy.

Tom: Oh, bite me.

Deb: [laughs] Yeah, that’s exactly. You do. You absolutely do.

Tom: That ain’t bad.

Deb: No, it’s not bad at all. No, it’s not all bad stuff. No, no, no.

Tom: When you said, “Do you want people to know this?” I was like, “What?”

Deb: Oh, no, no. That’s great. That’s great, yeah. I knew you’d be easy to talk to.

Tom: Yeah, and again, that’s saying, “Hey. Boy, I’m really sensing from you that you’re a nice person.”

Deb: [laughs]

Tom: You know this? That’s generic sort of stuff, isn’t it?

Deb: It is generic. Yeah, for sure.

Tom: Everybody’s sensitive to some level, aren’t they?

Deb: Right, definitely.

Tom: What does that then, than just being a good reader of personalities?

Deb: No, I totally agree with you. That’s probably not the greatest indicator of what I do. If you have a problem, we can talk about it on air if you want to. [laughs] You got it, tell me about it.

Tom: Oh, I’ve got problems. Have I got…

Deb: Lay on the couch. I’ll knock you out.

Tom: …have I got problems. OK, well [laughs] I don’t know. I don’t want to make this into a therapy session or something, but I’m sure you get this all the time, this sort of stuff. If I have problems, you should know what they are.

Deb: Exactly, and I love that you brought that up. That’s why I don’t go by the term psychic, because you could have 800 problems. I don’t know which one you want to talk to me about, do you know what I’m saying?

Tom: Yeah, “the bitch ain’t one.”

Deb: [laughs]

Tom: A little Jay Z reference there. Hey, for an old guy, I’m hip.

[laughter]

That’s why you say intuitive, instead of psychic.

Deb: Right. Exactly, and I could. Don’t get me wrong, I could. I could sit there and weed it out or whatever. Again, it’s not about what I can do, in my mind it’s not.

I have a lot of people that have had great sessions, and they’re really happy. They’re like, “Wow! How”? Like “I’m a psychic. Hello.” I don’t like to say that, because I don’t like that practice.

It deters from the personal development in my opinion. Now if you had a pure psychic in here, meaning that she or he sits down and cold reads. That’s a great question, honestly.

Those are good questions. I’m hugely skeptical. I want an evidential medium or a psychic if I go to one. Mine is more, I’m going to help you. This is not about trust me, this is I’m going to provide real information about where this came from, how to get rid of it.

I have a lot of ongoing clients, so that tells me it’s working.

Tom: When you’re doing radio…One week we took wrapped Christmas presents to psychics.

Deb: No you didn’t!

Tom: And said tell us, “What am I getting for Christmas”?

Deb: Oh my god that’s awesome.

Tom: They didn’t think it was very funny.

[laughter]

Tom: They didn’t think it was very funny.

Deb: I think that’s hilarious.

Tom: That was very typical for a psychic.

Deb: Right and exactly. Even a regular psychic probably would not know, probably. Not every psychic knows everything or every intuitive. In fact, that’s ridiculous.

Tom: Why do people want to know this stuff? People come to you, and why do they want to know this sort of thing?

Deb: What sort of thing?

Tom: I know you’re not a psychic, but they come to you because they think you can see something in them that they can’t see.

Deb: Yes, yes, yes.

Tom: Why?

Deb: If I can speak to both sides, because I did them both. The regular, traditional psychic, which I don’t do. Please do not call me for that ever. They believe that if someone else in the world has this gift, they must be more special or they have information. Which I think is total BS. I really do.

I have a lot psychic friends that don’t act, don’t sit there and I’m God, and I know. It is “Can I help you through this”? et cetera, et cetera. Those are my type of intuitive friends.

I did have that. I would tell people, “Even if I did know this, it’s you have to make the choice. It’s on you.” I don’t want the responsibility. That’s why I switched through the years into this.

It’s not my responsibility, whatever choice you make. If I told you this information, it’s yours to take it and do with it what you want.

Tom: If someone you cared about or knew was getting ready to go on a flight, and you were getting a bad vibe about the whole thing, would you say something?

Deb: Absolutely. I would. This is going to sound odd, but through the years I’ve decided what I want to receive. I’ve decided that I don’t want all of the negative all of the time.

A lot of people focus on that. In fact, when I say, “Drive safe,” they’ll take it like, “What do you mean?” Oh my god, it means “Drive safe! I love you.” Come on.

I don’t tend to focus on the negative, so that doesn’t tend to come to me. Now once in a great while, I’ll have a huge, Oh my god. This isn’t good. Then I listen, because doesn’t come very often.

Tom: People generally always focus on the negative anyway.

Deb: They do. It’s crazy.

Tom: I always joke about the fact that if you have a paper cut, you’re not focusing on the 99.999 percent of your body that’s doing well.

Deb: It’s doing awesome. Yeah. It’s that paper cut. Exactly. Unfortunately, in the psychic world that happens too. Why would you go to a psychic if you’re doing awesome? Honestly. There is a lot of negativity in the field to be honest to you.

Tom: Do you think psychics, or intuitives for the most part…What percentage would you say of them that are frauds?

Deb: Oh my gosh. A large percentage, a huge percentage. I don’t mean that a good I did it. I have friends that do it. I think they’re amazing. They wouldn’t be my friends if they weren’t real people and really good.

A large percentage are frauds, because people are so vulnerable. When I first got into the business, I didn’t know that. I was so naive. I hadn’t gone to one or anything.

I’d heard in Omaha, I don’t know who there are. There were people taking advantage of certain cultures that were superstitious and asking for twelve hundred dollars to light a candle, and go to church for god’s sake. It’s right?

That’s crazy to me. I think a very large percentage unfortunately. I tell people, “When you’re choosing one, referrals are awesome. Call them if they’ll talk to you even for five minutes to get a vibe from them, great.” and et cetera.

Unfortunately, it does this business…I always say to my friends, “You know this business attracts them a little.” [laughs] I don’t know. I don’t know the difference. It’s like charlatans.

Tom: It’s like anything else Let the buyer beware.

Deb: Absolutely, Like anything. Exactly, exactly.

Tom: Now you’re a life coach.

Deb: Mm-hmm.

Tom: First of all how do people know that? Do you just put a shingle up and buy an ad in the paper, and say, “Hey, I’m a life coach”? How do people know about you?

Deb: I run up and down with flyers saying, “Hey, what’s up”? No, I’m just kidding. [laughs] “Got any problems for me”? No. Referrals. I started off as a psychic medium. I was on the radio for four years here in town doing that. It was a hard switch, because people still see me as that person.

I feel like I’m giving so much more in this field. I all ready had a base of people. Not that they are super happy that I wasn’t doing what I was doing before.

I had that, and then as soon as I decided, this is going to sound crazy, but literally the minute I decided I’m not doing medium work any more, I’m doing life coaching, I met somebody who connected me with some leaders in town basically.

They connected me to more people. I thought, If you can help leaders, you can help their people. That was my way of trying to help more people.

Tom: What is the main problem people come to you with?

Deb: It’s the basics, relationships or love. Happiness level in general, because nothing’s going to make you happy–money, career. They are the basic things. They truly are.

I had a couple today that were having a problem with their child. It’s really not about the problem, it’s about the inner person, always. I’ve learned I have very strong clients. I’ve had them say to me, “No one’s ever talked to me like that before.”

I’m like, “You’re paying me to talk to you like this, because I’m very blunt.” [laughs] I’m not rude, but I’ll tell you like it is, and it’s always about you, always. I don’t care what is happening in your life, it’s you.

Seriously, I can prove it, and I can help you through it. If you don’t think that I can’t help you. If you’re going to point fingers I can’t help you.

Tom: You’re always blaming somebody else for your unhappiness.

Deb: Yeah, yeah. There’s know where is the true, and it’s you. It’s you, It’s how you’re showing up. That’s it.

Tom: OK, how do you sell that idea to people? A lot of times I would guess people come to you, and they’re looking for an easy answer.

Deb: Absolutely true.

Tom: The easy answer is not, I’ll be out. I was in a relationship with a woman that was an alcoholic.

Deb: Oh boy.

Tom: OK. I went to Alanon thinking that Alanon was going to teach me how to get her to stop drinking. How hard could that be? I go to Alanon, a few classes. I go to Alanon and all of a sudden it’s like, “No dude, you’re working on yourself.” I was like, “Wow.”

Deb: Exactly.

That was a whole life lesson for me to learn that. How do you get people to come to you thinking that you’re going to maybe just reinforce what they’re thinking? You’re right, your mother is a jerk.

Deb: Absolutely true.

Tom: How do you get them to think that it’s them?

Deb: That’s funny you’re asking me this. You’re so intuitive. [laughs] I’m just kidding. Could be a coincidence, I was driving and thinking about that very thing. They come to me, thinking, just as you did, no matter what I say on the phone or what I say on my website, they know that they’re right.

When they get into the chair or on the phone, I’m not rude. I will pretty forcefully and quickly say, but lovingly, honestly, because I do care about people, I will say, “This is why it’s you.” I think the truth perseveres. I don’t just say, “Hey, it’s you.” That’s awful. That’s a terrible feeling.

I’ll tell them the trues about why. Why it’s them, how they can untangle it and et cetera. Once they have some tools, right after I blow their brains with that, then give them some quick tools. Reassure them they’re not alone, we all point fingers.

All of a sudden, they relax. It’s like, “OK. OK. I got this. I can do this”, because their way is not working. I think most people are pretty intelligent. Once they get the truth it’s like, “Oh, all right. I can do that.”

Tom: You’re not licensed or anything, right?

Deb: No, I’m not.

Tom: You’re not a psychologist or a psychiatrist?

Deb: No, but I have a lot of those as clients, which is funny.

Tom: Really?

Deb: Yes, I do. Lots of counselors, psychiatrists, doctorate, absolutely. They love it. [laughs] I’m not going to sit here and fray ears with you, unless you’ve got a lot going on, life changes. I’m impatient, so I assume everyone is. [laughs] Let’s just get down to it. Let’s cut the crap. [laughs]

Tom: Is it tough for them, though? They’re just like who do they go to? They go to you.

Deb: They do, they do. A lot of them have told me it’s because it is so pragmatic and blunt. I don’t know. It just works.

Tom: Do you ever get somebody that has a problem and you just say, “Wow, this is too much for me to handle. Let me refer you,” or…?

Deb: Yes.

Tom: …Go seek mental help.

Deb. Absolutely, I have wonderful people that I trust wholly in Omaha that do phone sessions as well, in case someone’s out of town. Absolutely. I’m not a doctor, but there are times when I think, “OK. The energy of this person is…it may not be what they’re saying, but I can’t do this.”

Like manic or bipolar, I can’t treat that. I’ll just gently say, “Think this is out of my league. I’ve got someone amazing for you,” and they usually take it up and she helps them and everything’s good.

Tom: What about maybe somebody that is just weird? In other words, their problems may just be nothing criminal, nothing dangerous, but very dark or very strange. You look at them and say, “OK. Yeah…yeah, really. Uh huh. Put on some pants!”

Deb: Dude… [laughs] The first order of business is pants.

Tom: Do people like that come to you too?

Deb: Very rarely. When I was doing more pure psychic work, traditionally what you would think of it as, yeah. All the time, oh my gosh. I just think that they’re searching and this is an interesting field and et cetera. Not so much, now. Mine’s a lot of referral. I think the people that I have are pretty quality people and their friends are quality people.

Tom: We’re all searching in some way or another, aren’t we?

Deb: We are. Oh my gosh, that’s exactly true. Absolutely.

Tom: Hate to bring this up, but, can you make a living at this?

Deb: Oh yeah, definitely. If you’re good. I’m confident. I’m just confident in what I do.

Tom: Again, there’s no official training that you went through for this?

Deb: Not for me. Now, if someone’s interested in the life coaching part of it, there’s a lot of training out there, absolutely. I sought it out and it just didn’t fit what I was doing. Eventually, I decided to create my own way of doing it. In fact, in December I’m revamping it again. Faster’s not better, but even giving through tools and et cetera. Even beyond just the sessions. That’s my hope.

Tom: Give me some generic solutions. In other words, everyone has the same sort of problems, basically. They’re looking for love or happiness of some sort. Is there a common thread that you can say, “Look, if everybody just did this, a lot of problems would be solved?”

Deb: Absolutely. If everyone would clarify what they want. I just wrote an article for a magazine in town, today. That is the biggest problem I’ve ever seen. I have these amazingly intelligent, highly successful people sit down and they’re unhappy.

They’ve got everything that you would think. They’ve got the family. They’ve got the car, everything. A good job. They don’t know what they want is what the problem is. They have zero idea.

If a million dollars, now a billion dollars these days. If a billion dollars plopped in their lap, what would you do? No idea. Obviously after the spending, but they don’t know. Clarity is the number one key and people “Oh yeah,” but they don’t do it. Really? Seriously, you might love your job and I love that, but most people are miserable.

Tom: The thing is, is that it’s always changing. For me, at least, the interest and the joy is in the challenge. Once you accomplish that it’s like OK, now what?

Deb: Agreed, I’m the same way.

Tom: That’s the problem some times. Especially if you’re in the communication field, these podcasts were unheard of just a few years ago.

Deb: Absolutely.

Tom: Now they are a major way of communicating. You’ve got to be able to adapt, and that’s very tough for some people, too, isn’t it?

Deb: That’s huge. I was just going to say, your clarity is that you know you need a challenge. The clarity doesn’t come instantly sometimes. Maybe the technology hasn’t caught up with what you need yet or whatever. Absolutely, it’s adaptability.

If you’re a person that loves change and challenge, you know that you’re going to have to be adaptable. Having that clarity will bring you more joy. You probably have more fun that a lot of people, don’t you think?

Tom: I do?

Deb: Yeah.

Tom: I hope not. Overall, I like what I do.

Deb: Yeah.

Tom: It comes with a price.

Deb: Everything comes with a price.

Tom: I think everybody thinks they can always have it all and you can’t.

Deb: I agree. I totally agree.

Tom: You can’t have it all. Everybody thinks that, “I can have the career and do the job and I can have the family and they happy relationship. Sleep around on the side, without getting caught.” They think they can have it all, the Mercedes and a million dollars in the bank, and you really can’t, can you?

Deb: Absolutely not. Not if having it all means that all of those things require so much of your energy. That’s another clarity that I would tell people. How much do you want this? How much time do you want it to take from you?

Some people say, “I want to live in Aruba. I really want to live there, “but they’ve got five tiny kids. Do you want to schlep your children to Aruba? No, so that’s not your real dream right now.

Tom: I wrote a book, I’ve don’t stand-up comedy and do talk radio, and I can’t tell you how many people, over the years, have come up to me and said, “I’ve always wanted to write a book,” or, “I’ve always wanted to do stand-up comedy. I’ve always wanted to do a talk show,” and my first question is what’s stopping you?

Deb: Do it. Seriously. Probably lack of talent.

Tom: I’ve been able to get by with lack of talent.

[laughter]

Tom: It’s taking that first step.

Deb: Yeah, it is.

Tom: And, not being afraid to fail.

Deb: I totally agree. That’s another thing I do. Of course, I organize a fan page on Facebook, and I wrote on mine, “My style of coaching is, here’s your wings, here’s your cliff and here’s a swift kick in the butt.'” That’s my style of coaching. Go do it. Just do it, and if you don’t do it, you’ll never do it. It’s pretty elementary.

Tom: Why do people hold themselves back?

Deb: Honestly, fear of failure, fear of success because when you have the success then, “Oh my gosh, is my husband going to be OK with this?” There are a lot of people who hold themselves very, very small so that they don’t disrupt their tribes, for lack of a better term, families or whatever.

So many “What would so-and-so say?” Oh, who cares? Personally, I don’t care what they say. You’ve got to be happy. A lot of people don’t live like that.

Tom: You said hold themselves back because their husband.

Deb: Well their husband or their wife.

Tom: Is that a thing, where women will hold themselves back because their afraid of maybe making more money than their husband or upsetting their husband? [crosstalk]

Deb: Oh, definitely.

Tom: They don’t develop to their full potential?

Deb: Absolutely.

Tom: Then they bitch about how women make less money than men.

Deb: Then they bitch… [laughs] No, seriously, all day long I agree with you. I do. Honestly, if you’re bitching about something, what are you doing to contribute to it? No kidding. We lie to ourselves so hard. That’s why, when people sit down, I know when they’re lying.

I’ll say, “You’re telling yourself this BS, well here’s the truth,” and it is the truth. It’s the truth within them, and that’s why they’re like, “Oh my gosh. Yeah.”

Tom: You sound very hopeful. You sound very positive.

Deb: Yeah.

Tom: OK. What’s holding you back?

Deb: Whoa. Oh man, I did not expect that question. That’s funny that you just said that.

Tom: I don’t mean to get personal or anything like that. I would think the same thing would happen. You’re human, although, when you talk about all this stuff, and it’s nice to talk about. It’s good to hear, but the reality is you still got to step off that ledge.

Deb: You are absolutely right. Just today, literally, it’s so funny that you just said that. Just literally today, I created a post on my blog. Not a lot of people saw it, but to me, now it’s out there. I am no longer putting my intuitive psychic foot forward, at all.

I’ve been teaching intuitive classes. That was my identity here, in Omaha, for so many years. I’m done with it. It’s over. It’s like leaving a child behind. For me, it was always, “Oh my God. What are they going to do without me?”

They’ll be fine. Hello? Duh! How egotistical. It was losing my own identity, my own credibility. I’d be on air and I’d say, “I don’t know. I have no idea. Not getting anything”, and people would be like, “Oh my God”, because it’s true.

I’m losing all of this and try now to fully put my personal development foot forward. I’m not going to hide who I am. I’m kind of done with all the woo-woo side of it. Not that it’s bad, it’s just not mine anymore.

What held me back was the loss of identity, the loss of the audience and the fear that I won’t have another one. I really don’t know what’s going to happen now that I’m cutting that wholly off. I have a lot of personal development people that I had a huge sign light out of the other.

Tom: You’re going to stop being intuitive?

Deb: No. I kind of let it straggle on a little bit, even after I stopped doing it on the radio and everything. As far as classes, I would teach people how to read themselves, other people. They’re very grounded people. It was very fun. They’re amazing people.

I knew in December it was time to fully go into the personal development. Not to say that I won’t use my intuition. I always will. I think it’s a gift. I really do, but as far as my branding, the classes that I do, it’s all going to be about “This is on you.” That may be my tagline, “This is on you.” Not me, anymore.

Tom: What kind of person comes to see you? Is it primarily middle-aged women?

Deb: It is all over the board. I’ve had 9-year-olds, 18-year-olds, middle-aged professional women, professional men. I have a lot of professionals just because it’s a referral system, but it could be anybody. Truly, it’s all over the place. It’s mostly women, I will say. Even the younger ones.

Tom: Men are probably not as open to…

Deb: They’re not. I think it’s touchy-feely and we’re going to talk about some stuff and they know it. We’re not just going to be like, “Oh yeah, you’re right. She’s a witch.” This is about you. I don’t think that’s super comfortable for a lot of men. [laughs] No offense.

Tom: No, no. It’s right. It’s like, “The game’s on.”

Deb: Yes. Did you catch that game?

Tom: It’s just easier that way. First of all, let’s have a plug to your website. You have a website, right?

Deb: Yes. It’s debbrockmann.com.

Tom: Debbrockmann.com.

Deb: Yes.

Tom: What can people find on the website?

Deb: They will be able to find out about my services obviously. There are a lot of posts about personal development, happiness. That’s my main focus is happiness. It envelopes everything. I do hope to have, this sounds a little silly, quizzes for people to clarify what they want and et cetera and so.

Tom: OK, you say happiness. Now it’s coincidence, because I’m having this conversation with a friend today at lunch. I believe happiness is overrated.

Deb: Really? Oh tell me why? I’m so curious.

Tom: I think that people are always striving to be happy. That they’re never happy, because it’s never enough. If you’re always trying to be happy, it’s like, “Oh yeah. It would be better if I had that or I was with that person. Boy they got it so much better than me. I want…”

Actually the idea of just saying, “Life sucks, but I’m not living in some third-world country with a protruding belly.

Deb: No I totally…I think there’s a third option. I really do, and I agree. I believe that happiness is not something you strive toward. I believe, this is going to sound a little odd, but it’s my truth. If you get right within yourself, not about cars and houses and…if you heard my van pulling up you would know.

My god it sounds like someone screaming through your neighborhood. [laughs] I don’t care about the cars. My view of happiness is being honest with yourself from the depths of yourself to your conscious mind.

Seriously, and that’s it. We’re not. We’re not. We lie. Like you said the women who say, “Women don’t make as much.” and dadada…What are you doing to hold yourself back? Why are you scared?

That’s one reason. I don’t want all of these women calling me and telling me. [laughs] “I know there’s a problem.” What I’m saying is, it is being congruent from your subconscious to your conscious mind.

That takes work. It takes sitting quietly with yourself and listening to yourself. I know no one does that, seriously. There’s a third option.

Tom: Do they have time to do it anymore?

Deb: Absolutely. Absolutely. Put down the Facebook.

Tom: Don’t yell at me.

[laughter]

Tom: That was a valid question. I don’t need the attitude.

Deb: Here hold out my hand. Slide your face on it. [laughs] Absolutely, they have time. Put down the Facebook, put down whatever, skip happy hour one night, honestly skip one soccer practice.

Your kid’s not going to die from you not being there for one soccer practice a week or whatever. Yeah, I’ve proven that. I’ve had high executive women who were, “I have not time.” I’m like, “You have time, and I’m going to prove it to you.”

I would say to everyone if they’re listening to this, challenge yourself to find 10 minutes a day to be quiet, 10 minutes, honestly. Seriously, that’s it. I used to say the same thing, “I don’t have time.”

If you don’t have three minutes, you should not be doing all the stuff you’re doing. That’s it. That’s the truth.

Tom: You have to shut if off for about five minutes a day?

Deb: Yeah.

Tom: Five, ten minutes a day.

Deb: As long as you’re truly, truly, quiet. Everybody says, “My brain doesn’t shut off.” Well, it never will. It’s a brain. Don’t try to make it. Just let it, “Oh, thanks for playing.” That’s what I tell my brain, thanks for playing.

I don’t attach to whatever is going on. Take a breath, let it flow. Seriously, it doesn’t have to be woo woo. It doesn’t have to be a big hour-long meditation.

Tom: Does what you do interfere with your life?

Deb: Oh yeah.

Tom: In other words, yes. I don’t know if you’re in a relationship, married, or whatever, but if I was married to an intuitive, it would freak me out after a while. I’d be like, “God just leave me alone.”

Deb: They start lying, and then it starts making me crazy, and this big thing happens. Seriously, it’s so true. Yeah, it really does affect my life although it’s fun.

I have teenagers. I’m always out. I see a blade of grass on the floor, and I’m like, “You snuck out last night.” [laughs] They’ll just think I’ll know.

Tom: That’s just a mom. I thought every mom knew.

Deb: I thought it was funny.

Tom: My mom had that. She knew.

Deb: She did.

Tom: It’s amazing as you get older and start having conversations with your parents. You realize they knew a lot more than you thought they knew.

Deb: Absolutely. They pick their battles totally. I’m actually in a very new relationship, and I think he’s handling it pretty well, but I think it’s got to be over whelming.

Tom: It would be weird.

Deb: It would be weird. I admit that to people. I know this is weird. I do. [laughs] We’ll see if he runs for the hills after hearing this. [laughs] “Oh my god she’s crazy.”

Tom: I didn’t even know if you were psychic, you would know if it would work out.

[laughter]

Deb: That’s awesome.

Tom: I had to say it.

Deb: It is God’s cruel joke. I rarely know about my own stuff. That’s probably good though.

Tom: That’s probably true I would imagine. You look back…I look back at some of the relationships I’ve been in over the years, and they didn’t work out. I look back afterwards and I say, “You know what? If a friend of mine had been in this same situation, I would have been able to see it.

Deb: Absolutely.

Tom: When you’re in the middle of it yourself it’s like no.

Deb: It’s completely…That’s a part of the coaching too is that people are like, “Why is this dadadada.” You can’t see it when you’re in it. You really can’t, and you’re not supposed to. You’re supposed to be learning.

You’re supposed to be learning through action not just in your mind. That’s another thing I thought today was how funny we are. We want to know and experience everything in our brains instead of through action or with other people.

We just want to get to the end. It’s silly if I think about it.

Tom: If somebody comes to you, normally how many sessions do they have? In other words, are you seeing the same people for years, or do people see you for three sessions, and they get it figured out and move on?

Deb: Both. The ones I’ve had for years are generally working on huge career shifts, then maybe the relationship thing comes up, then maybe another here. I have them for a long time, because they’re moving so rapidly through life.

Some other people can have one session sometimes honestly. There’s just a decision in life that they need to make, and they need some clarity about it. Yeah a few, a handful.

I sell a package of sessions. It’s all over the place. I do have a core set of people that it just helps them. They’re professionals, and they want to keep on track, and it just helps.

Tom: Are these people that are lonely and have nobody else to talk to?

Deb: No, that’s the craziest thing. No they have tons of people. I’m not a bragger. I want to say that I have this ability that was given to me. I didn’t ask for it. I know how to cut through it, and get to it, and then pretty much give the tool.

If I have people that come in over and over with the same problem. Like, “You’re not doing what I asked you to do.” They’re like, “You’re right. I haven’t.” It works. It just does.

Tom: Web page is debbrockmann.com.

Deb: Yes.

Tom: B-R-O-C-K-M-A-N?

Deb: M-A-N-N. I did buy the n as well. [laughs]

Tom: Either one will get to you?

Deb: Yes. Either one will get to me.

[music]

Tom: There you have it, Deb Brockmann, the intuitive life coach here on tombecka.com. As we build this community of people, every Sunday there’s a new interview here on the line.

A new interview of an interesting person with a story to tell. If you like this story, would you share with your friends? Would you tell them about tombecka.com?

Would you spread the word through your social media, talk about it at the coffee shop, over the dinner table, with your buddies at work?

Yeah, and let people know every Sunday a new and interesting person here at tombecka.com. Hey, if you have an interesting person you think would be a good interview, don’t hesitate to let me know.

Just drop me a line. We’ll see. Who knows? Maybe you or someone you know will end up here some Sunday.

[music fades]